I know this joke about a guy in a flood. As the water rises, he climbs higher and higher in his house. Finally, he is sitting on the roof.
A neighbor comes by in a rowboat and says, “Hop in, I’ll take you to a safe place.” The man answers, “No, thanks. I believe in God and I know He will save me.” The neighbor shrugs and rows on.
Later, a sheriff’s motor boat comes by. They say, “Hop in, we’ll take you to a safe place.” The man answers, “No, thanks. I have faith that God will save me.
Even later, with the water rising higher, a helicopter comes by. “Get in the harness and we’ll winch you up and take you to a safe place.” “No, thank you. I have a deep faith and I know God will save me.” The helicopter moves on.
Finally, the water rises so high, the man drowns. Unhappy, but in Heaven, he goes to God and says, “Why did you let me down? Why did you let me drown?”
God answers, “I sent two boats and a helicopter.”
I have taken a long hiatus from God. I’ve been very angry at Him and turning my back on Him. Then today happened.
I now have a recumbent tricycle. It’s so fun. I love it. I took it out again today and ran it around the park trails near my home. I blew a tire. I didn’t blame God, those trails are fun, but they are littered with little tire puncturing projectiles. What happened next was what I believe was a message from God.
I was pushing the trike back to the van; it was going to be about half a mile. If I felt I could walk, I wouldn’t have bought the trike. And I had to bend over to push the trike, it really hurt. Then a man came along and offered to push the trike for me. I said, “No thanks. It’s my trike and I should push it.” (Oh, that little martyr me). So he walked on.
A little while later another biker came along and offered to try to fix my tube. I agreed this time. He couldn’t though because the cut was too large and his air pump wasn’t compatible with my tire. He did offer to push my trike for me and let me push his regular bike. I did for a little while, but felt guilty about keeping him from his ride. He had figured out to turn the trike backwards and pull it, so I had us trade so he could ride his bike and I’d (oh, my back) pull mine.
Not much later, I came across a woman and her two sons. One son offered to carry my trike. This time I got the hint (kick me a couple of times and suddenly my brain turns on). I said OK. He carried it in front of him for a little while, then slung that trike right over his back. We walked like that til we got back to the parking lot. I got my van, the lady loaded the trike and I thanked them and left.
Sound a bit like the joke? I thought so. Thank god, I learned before I died of heat stroke.
So now I think maybe God’s not so distant as I thought. Maybe my life just needed changing and the pain is because such life surgery hurts. I’m past the worst, but still have a long way to go til life calms down to just the normal crises. I think I’ll try turning toward God again.
I’m just glad he’s still there waiting for me. I still need my meds; still turn to Twitter for support, still trying meetup.com for friends (none so far) and still have suicidal moments. But my meds are stable, Twitter is there, I do go to the meetup meetings and the suicidal moments are farther and farther apart. Surprisingly, I’m getting better. I didn’t think it was possible.
Guess what, it is possible. I’m living (thank God) proof. You don’t have to believe in God for it to happen. I put a lot of this on the help of my therapist. She’s great. For anyone reading, take this as a statement of hope. Healing is possible. Keep on holding on.
Love, Lori B.